


Our Light

by PrayersForRain



Category: Persona 5, Persona 5: Royal
Genre: (ambiguous but heavily implied), 2/2, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, But really the lyrics to Our Light are more suggestive than this, February 2nd, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nothing explicit at all and it's ambiguous but things are alluded to, P5R Spoilers, Persona 5 Royal - Freeform, Persona 5: The Royal, Rank 11, but it's all good, like major spoilers, our light, p5r - Freeform, persona 5 royal spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22525609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrayersForRain/pseuds/PrayersForRain
Summary: After agreeing with Akechi to take down Maruki, Akira realizes that he can't just let Akechi leave without letting him know how much Akira cares about him.2/2. Inspired by the lyrics to Our Light.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 14
Kudos: 251
Collections: Quality Persona Fics





	Our Light

2/2, 20XX

* * *

"We have to defeat Maruki, no matter what." Akechi's voice was full of conviction. Akira knew he could do nothing to change his mind, even if he wanted to.

"Right. We'll win this together," Akira assured him.

And then Akechi looked him in the eyes and smiled as a wordless goodbye. Akira hadn't seen nearly enough of Akechi's genuine smiles.

Together.

They would do this _together._

And then...

"Wait," Akira said, before he even had a chance to think about what he was saying.

Akechi paused near the door. Akira half expected him to just leave anyway.

Akira didn't really know where he intended to go with this. He just knew that he that couldn't let Akechi leave yet.

Akira's silence lingered on for long enough to make Akechi agitated.

"What do you want?"

A _lot_ of things. He wants to be _able_ to want, like a normal human being can, not the infallible leader everyone else sees him as. He wants to not be held to some perfect, selfless standard. He wants to have the willpower to not be swayed by his selfish temptation. He wants to be spared from the embarrassment of having his own counselor laying his vulnerabilities bare in front of the boy he cares about more than anything in this world, evidently.

He wants to not have to worry about losing that boy.

And he wants to not have that boy looking at him with impatience and betrayal written all over his face.

As if daring to care about Akechi was a worse betrayal than the cognitive bullet in his cognitive brain.

Akechi shifted on his feet. "Don't tell me you're still having doubts," he said coldly.

Akira shook his head. "No. Not doubts. Not about Maruki. We'll take him down. I don't break my promises."

Akechi lightened up again and released the breath that he was holding.

"I'm relieved." Akechi glanced sideways, but smiled softly. "You are... I trust your judgement above all else. I knew you'd do the right thing and not fall victim to his manipulations. I don't know what I would do if you truly wanted to give in."

 _This_ is what Akira wants more than anything, he figured. For Akechi to be happy. For Akechi to trust him. Even if Akechi is more trusting of Akira's judgment than Akira himself is.

"But I didn't say we were done conversing," Akira elaborated.

"Oh?" Akechi asked with a hint of suspense.

Akira's stomach fluttered anxiously. There were so many things he could say. He could ask how Akechi knew, and why he didn't say anything before this. He could ask every question that had lingered in his mind since November. Why Akechi did everything he did, why things couldn't have been different, why he couldn't just accept -

But Akira has never been one for talking much. He has always leaped before he looked. It's worked out... Not spectacularly, but he's still alive. Somehow.

And Akechi is...

Akira found himself walking towards Akechi before he had time to think about what he was even doing.

He stood right in front of Akechi, and Akechi leveled with him, steeling his eyes and staring him down.

Akira pulled on Akechi's scarf and sent Akechi tumbling towards him, causing a bitter huff to escape Akechi's lungs, hands on his chest, and a flustered and annoyed expression on his face.

Akira still said nothing. Akechi still did not move.

"This is your idea of a discussion?" Akechi finally asked.

"There are a lot of ways to communicate non-verbally. You should know that, detective."

"And what, exactly, is this supposed to communicate?" Akechi looked at his unmoving hands on Akira's chest.

Akira shrugged. "You tell me."

"You're..." Akechi furrowed his eyebrows. "Stalling for something. Making me do your guesswork. Perhaps to figure out something you don't know yourself. You won't let me leave, and you won't tell me why."

"You know why. Evidently. And you didn't tell me." Akira did not mean to sound so bitter, didn't mean for the words to come out like this, and yet.

"Hmph."

With that, Akechi stepped backwards, distancing himself from Akira.

"What good would that have done, exactly? If my deduction was correct, I ran the risk of having you hesitate like you are now. If I was wrong, well, my false assumption that I was dead would have been embarrassing, wouldn't it?"

"I... just didn't expect you to keep secrets from me."

Ironic, considering, well, _everything._

Akechi did not respond. Did not bolt either, at least.

But something doesn't add up.

"If _I_ didn't even know you, how could you have known?" Akira asked.

"Like I said. It was a simple deduction. I don't remember anything after I closed the engine room door. I don't actually remember dying either, yet that is the most likely explanation for what happened. It's as if I simply awakened to this world outside of my own will, just to fulfill a role. Isshiki and Okumura were back from the dead, so it stands to reason that I could have been brought back from the dead as well."

" _Were_ back. Past tense. Isn't your continued existence going against a pattern?" Akira asked, holding hope in his chest. He honestly didn't know. If Akechi thought that he was dead, how could Akira convince either of them otherwise?

Not that Akira ever backed down from an argument, however.

_Advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis._

"Perhaps there are other variables to consider," Akechi stated after a few moments.

"Such as?"

Akechi was contemplative. Hesitant.

"Futaba and Haru had simple wishes to see their parents one last time. Frankly, the image was quite idealized, distorted by the desires of the ones making the wishes. Their falsified existence in this reality was unsustainable. Eventually, Futaba and Haru would have to realize something was off, and thus it would break the illusion. As for why I'm different..."

Akechi played with his gloves.

"You are not done with me yet. It wasn't simply a desire to see me again. Your cognition of me is far from idealized, considering I still at least have the illusion of free will. You're not trying to make me play nice. You just needed my help in solving this case."

Akira laughed.

"So...you believe I wished you back into existence, just so you could help me destroy this existence?"

"It is a possibility. I can't say it's definite without evidence. But you are a complicated person, Akira."

"What about another possibility? That my wish to see you was just stronger than Futaba's and Haru's wishes? Have you considered that?"

The tension in Akechi's body language said yes, he had considered it.

"It would be a ridiculous assumption," was what he said instead. Like he didn't dare to hope that it could be true.

They still have pointedly Not Discussed embarrassing meltdowns about wanting to be loved and needed. Akira got the impression that if he tried to bring it up, Akechi would just kill him for real this so that he didn't have to acknowledge that he had feelings.

But.

If this is it...

Akechi was standing a few feet away, had been abandoning eye contact ever since he stepped back, as if the coffee maker was so much more fascinating than Akira.

He's too far away already. He's not physically gone yet, but he is emotionally inaccessible.

So Akira stalked up to him again, smoothly enough to catch the willfully distant Akechi off guard, and pulled on his scarf yet again. And although Akechi acted as if he had been hit with a concentrated ziodyne attack, he still didn't make any attempt to push Akira away.

"What are you -"

Akira's face was suddenly resting on Akechi's shoulder. This scarf was stupid, he decided. So he began taking it off.

"What are you _doing_ , Akira," Akechi gritted out, but didn't stop Akira from throwing his scarf onto the café's floor.

"A favor. This scarf is ugly as hell and doesn't match your coat. You look like a wannabe Shujin schoolboy."

That drew a surprised chuckle out of Akechi, and as Akira moved his face towards Akechi's neck, he could feel the vibrations of his voice. It felt nice. Right. Akechi was warm. He smelled of expensive perfume and high-end hair conditioner. Some of his hair fell over Akira's face, and it was soft. Akira grabbed Akechi's shoulder to bring their bodies closer together, and all that Akira could hear and feel in the stillness of the café was the shallow breaths through Akechi's lungs, and the rapid pulse of the artery in his neck and the heart in his chest.

He felt so warm and alive and Akira never wanted to let him go.

After what felt like an eternity, Akechi's vital signs calmed down to a normal level. He finally exhaled, relaxed his muscles, and put a gloved hand through Akira's hair.

Akira had never felt so fuzzy inside.

"You _feel_ alive," Akira muttered.

That, unfortunately, caused Akechi to tense up again.

"So you seem to have proven your point. Are you done yet?"

"Mmm... No, I don't think so." Akira nuzzled closer against him, determined not to let this moment end.

"You - This isn't -"

Akechi was still not pushing him away.

"This is not appropriate human behavior."

Akira laughed. Akechi's penchant for being absolutely ridiculous when it comes to social conventions was one of the most weirdly endearing things about him.

"You spend too much time with Morgana. You're becoming a cat."

"Then stop petting me," Akira teased.

Akechi withdrew his hand like it had been burned and stepped back. His eyes were wide, like he hadn't even realized he was doing it, about to utter an apology.

"I - That was inappropriate of me as well," he coughed slightly and looked away.

The charming detective prince, how could he become so disarmed by flirting?

But, God, it was just _unfair_ how beautiful Akechi was. Especially caught off guard like this, not carefully poised and plastic pretending to be more put together than he really was. This flustered boy that only Akira had the privilege of seeing was adorable.

Although, of course Akira couldn't look away whenever Akechi was on TV. He always put on his interviews at Leblanc. Intel gathering, he told the rest of the Phantom Thieves. To entertain the (nearly nonexistent) customers, he told Sojiro, never mind that they were practically all elderly and had likely never even heard of Akechi.

It was fascinating. Akechi was a world class bullshitter, and yet Akira knew that you can never fully suppress yourself. The best lies are shrouded in truth. Even behind the false face that you wear, there's a reason behind the deception and what form it takes. It always says something about the person's true nature if you know how to read between the lines. And Akira tried so hard to read him and see the truth beneath the mask.

Akira would stop dead in his tracks whenever there was a broadcast of Akechi in public. When passersby gossiped about him, he couldn't help but eavesdrop. He would occasionally overhear girls fawn over Akechi-kun, how pretty and smart and charming he was, and Akira felt unjustifiably upset.

That boy wasn't... They didn't know him. Why were they acting like they knew him?

Akechi was always done up on camera, although the cameras were still distant and impersonal. Do they see his perfectly manicured cuticles as he holds a mug of coffee, the subtle tailoring on his suits, the way he smiles when caught off guard, or do they only see his plastic TV smile? Do they see what he looks like with his hair all messed up, and the way his skin is flustered after taking a hot bath?

He throws in statements to seem humble and charming, but do they know how much of a dork he can really be? He can't cut fish. He plays with light sabers. He says he should be arrested for liking sweets, but admits to not actually liking them. Subterfuge from the fact that, if anything, he should be arrested for mass murder.

He offers up his bullshit opinions about the Phantom Thieves, but do his fans know the genuine conversations about justice, vigilantism, revenge, and morality he ponders in Akira's room over a game of chess?

Of course not. He feels... possessive of the fact that he's the only one that truly sees Akechi. And yet it still bothers him that his fans can't see past the surface.

But, ah, Akira can be superficial as well, since he couldn't help but stare at how damn pretty Akechi's face was.

The staring was evidently making Akechi uncomfortable to the point that he looked like he was going to utter an excuse to run out the door and out of Akira's life forever.

Akira needed to get his shit together.

"How are you not phased by what Maruki said?" Akira asked, buying time before Akechi has a chance to flee.  
  
"Why should I be?" Akechi said as if he was offended that Akira would even ask. "He didn't say anything I didn't already suspect. This is a false reality. He's trying to control us by only revealing this information now, and I won't allow it. Whatever he implied - It changes nothing."

"Doesn't it?" Akira said weakly, not even of his own free will. It's not like him to be this hesitant, this easily manipulated.

Akechi narrowed his eyes. "Nothing else matters except uncovering the truth and getting out of this false utopian nightmare" Akechi spat.

Akira laughed bitterly. Like it's so goddamn easy.

"You _know_ I'm right," Akechi said at Akira's uncertainty.

"Yeah, I know."

"So why are you -"

Akechi looked like he regretted the words as soon as they came out his mouth, like he was afraid of hearing Akira's answer. Sometimes it's easier to be ignorant than to complicate things with emotions.

"What?" Akira challenged.

"How can you even hesitate when you know the stakes?"

Akira was tired. There's no way Akechi was that stupid.

"Use your brain, detective," he said snarkily.

"I've always known you to speak bluntly and to the point even while being flippant. It's what I admire about you. If you have something to say, then say it."

Akechi was the opposite, always with the long winded rambles that were a concoction of lies and the all too vulnerable truth, and when he inevitably gave away more than he intended to, he would flee in embarrassment.

" _Akira_ ," he barked, demanding Akira's attention.

All cards were on the table now. Akechi doesn't know what he's asking for.

"Fine. Don't hate me for it."

"I can't guarantee that."

"That's - Fine."

Akira could live with that.

"I don't want to lose you."

There was a long silence as Akechi was too stunned to react.

What else did he expect?

"And don't get me wrong, I don't want to force you to stay here either, but -"

"But you considered it."

"For a hot minute," Akira admitted. "But I don't like the way you're looking at me right now, and I don't like the idea of bowing to Maruki's whims."

"I would rather be dead than be someone's puppet again," Akechi said coldly.

Akira wanted to laugh. He _knows_ that. Of course he knows that, but Akechi doesn't have to say it like that, like he's rubbing salt in Akira's wounds. Because he _has_ to know that the fact that Akira couldn't save him the first time around was the biggest regret of his life, right? That's what this _entire_ situation was about.

And now Akechi wants Akira to repeat his biggest regret without even hesitating, like it all means nothing to him.

"I'm - I'm not going to betray my ideals just because of my feelings, and - and I wish that you would just - _trust_ me about that -"

Akira realized too late that his voice was shaking and his hands were balled into a fist, but he couldn't pretend to be composed in this situation.

"I - I can't -"

Now Akira was the one who couldn't make eye contact as he felt Akechi's intense gaze on him.

The coffee maker _was_ supremely interesting at this moment. Akira thought about smashing it just to relieve some stress. He could tear all of Leblanc apart just to have _some_ kind of outlet for his emotions. It would probably return the state it was in last year once he returns to reality, but in the event that Sojiro would find the café in a state of disarray, he'd probably kill Akira. And. Well. If he has to lose Akechi again, maybe it's some romantic modern day Romeo and Juliet bullshit. Or just proof that Akira is the biggest fool in the world. Either one is fitting.

"I'm not perfect, I have weaknesses, too. I'm not the perfect leader everyone needs me to be -"

17 years of repressed emotions were spilling out of his mouth. For all the time that they spent together, Maruki had never managed to get Akira to outright voice any of his feelings. He felt like he was going to implode. If there was any plus side to all of this, it would be that at least Akechi won't be around to remember this later. Probably.

"I _can't_ be selfish when the fate of the world rests on my shoulders and everyone is relying on me to do the right thing, but -"

Akira clenched his eyes shut now. He was definitely _not_ going to cry in front of Akechi.

"But I'm so _tired_ of pretending I don't have feelings."

Akira exhaled, finally. The embarrassment was now settling in over his emotional outburst. He wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Maybe that was the real reason Akechi practically committed suicide in the engine room.

He didn't dare to open his eyes because he didn't want to face Akechi.

Until...

He felt something soft and warm against his mouth, and looked down to see bare fingers on his lips. Somehow he was less surprised by the fact that Akechi 'one step forward and two steps back when it comes to intimacy' Goro was touching him than he was by the fact that Akechi had taken his gloves off.

Akechi swiped his thumb across Akira's bottom lip.

"Is this okay?" he asked softly.

Akira was dumbstruck.

Akechi moved closer. His other hand cupped the back of Akira's neck as the thumb that was previously on Akira's lip was now on his cheek.

Akira was having difficulty breathing.

"I... I must admit that I did not understand how deep your feelings ran."

Acute embarrassment and the paralysis from being shocked about being touched by his emotionally repressed friend/arch rival/soulmate killed the ability for Akira to deflect with a joke or superficial flirting like he always resorted to.

"It's difficult for me to believe that anyone would care about me that much, or at all. In the grand scheme of the cosmic order of the universe, I know that my life does not matter at all. It doesn't matter to me either. But if... if it matters to you - Well, the last thing I want is to hurt you."

How fortunate for Akechi that Akira is amused by irony. Otherwise he'd want to punch him in the face right about now.

"I still mean what I said. I don't want this false reality. This 'paradise' forced on us. But your feelings are important to me, Akira."

Akira bit his tongue until he tasted copper. Akechi was still touching him.

"There's... nothing else I can do in this situation, is there? I can't save everyone." Akira gazed up at the ceiling so he could avoid looking Akechi in the eye.

It stung. Being self-sacrificial and bending over backwards to make everyone else safe and happy was the only thing Akira was ever good for and Akechi was slipping away _again_. The one that got away and came back just barely out of Akira's grasp, just close enough to give him hope and just far enough for Akira to still long for him, and he was going to disappear like he was never even there in the first place.

Akira had always foolishly believed that he could save Akechi. Yes, he knew Akechi was planning to murder him, but maybe, just _maybe_ if Akira spent enough time with him, Akechi would realize he belongs at Akira's side and change his mind about the whole thing. Even after the attempted murder, Akira blamed himself for not reaching out more, not doing enough to try to change things. After Akechi's sacrifice, he was so sure that by some miracle Akechi would find his way back for a rematch with Akira. He thought he truly had him back now, and after all of this they could be true friends without the pretense of rivalry. But once they're done with Maruki, Akechi is going to -

"Hey," Akechi said, bringing Akira's focus back onto him. "I'm still here. For now, at least."

Akira's stomach twisted. Akechi was right in front of him. So tangible and yet still so inaccessible.

Akira didn't know what to say, so he pulled on Akechi's shoulders and pressed their bodies as close as he could, desperately clinging onto the fabric of Akechi's coat. It probably hurt, how much Akira was suffocating him. He didn't care.

"I can't lose you again, because -"

Akechi was hugging him back now.

"You don't have to speak," Akechi said.

They held each other for a long time.

Akechi sighed wistfully against Akira's ear. "Why couldn't we have met earlier?" he lamented.

That set a fire of frustration inside Akira.

"We _didn't_. But why - why does that matter?" Akira's voice was trembling.

"We still met. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. Even with all of the, you know -" he loosened his grip on Akechi to make vague hand gestures that Akechi couldn't even see. "- everything. I'm still glad I met you," Akira muttered.

Akira thought he could feel Akechi smile against his cheek. "Perhaps we were always destined to meet at some point. Bound by fate." Akechi threaded his bare fingers through Akira's hair.

Akira moved his arms so that they were now clasped behind Akechi's neck and tilted back far enough to look Akechi in the eye.

This wasn't how this was supposed to go. Akira's not one for spilling his heart out to someone. But it was probably his last chance with Akechi.

"You... are... the most important person I've ever met. No one has ever changed my life as much as you have. I used to wish that things were better so we could be together without worrying about murder, entrapment, political turmoil, an evil God, and my manipulative, cult-like counselor," Akira laughed bitterly.

"But we still have this one night together, and even though the circumstances are horrible, I don't want to regret anything, so I think I really want you to kiss me right now."

Akira had always envisioned himself as a dashing rogue, stealing hearts (not just in the metaverse) and being effortlessly charming. So he should really be the one sweeping the bastard prince off his feet, but he just wants someone else to make the decisions for once and, honestly, Akechi deserves to do whatever he wants with him on his last night alive. Kiss him or kill him, Akira is really fine with either or anything else in-between.

But Akira was surprised by the fact that Akechi didn't hesitate at all as he held Akira's face in his hands and gently pressed their lips together.

Akira actually didn't realize that this was subconsciously what he wanted all along until the words were already out of his mouth. But, yeah, as soon as the reality of _being kissed by Akechi Goro_ set in, he decided _this_ was what it had always been about.

Maruki not so subtly implying that Akira's relationship with Akechi was akin to that of his own with his fiancée should have tipped him off, but, hey. Akira may be endlessly intelligent and charming but that doesn't mean he can't also be an utter fool.

Akira didn't even mind that the kiss was a bit awkward. Akechi was completely still against him. He had obviously never kissed anyone before, but Akira had already assumed that.

So Akira put his hand in the back of Akechi's hair and tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

Akechi caught on quickly and reciprocated enthusiastically. It was good. Too good. Akira didn't ever want to lose it.

"I -"

"Don't worry about the future right now. We'll go back to _our_ reality. I promise." Akechi's eyes were steely and determined. "And if by chance we meet again, I want you to remember this."

Akira couldn't help but frown thinking of the uncertainty of the next day and the fear that it was just an empty promise.

"But if we don't, I just have to live with -"

Akechi kissed him to silence him. Point taken. If this was all he was going to get, he was going to savor it. He clung onto Akechi tightly. He couldn't care about anything else in the world right now.

After what might have been an eternity, Akechi had to pull away to catch his breath. He joined their foreheads together.

"Stay with me for tonight," Akira pleaded.

After a moment, Akechi nodded. Thank God, because Akira really didn't know what he'd do if Akechi rejected him now.

Akechi entwined his fingers with Akira's. "I suppose I should say I care about you too, you know."

Akira laughed. "I should hope so. Or do you kiss all your rivals like that?"

Akechi laughed back. "You're my only rival."

Akechi moved some of Akira's hair out if his eyes. "You're the only one for me."

And that made Akira's stomach do a 180 and his heart pound so hard that it seemed like it wanted to escape from his ribcage.

"You always have been. Ever since I first laid eyes on you."

"Love at first sight?" Akira teased. Then he was mortified by the realization that he dragged such a word into the equation.

Luckily, Akechi didn't seem to be phased.

"Mmm, well, I think it had more to do with me overhearing Ryuji say you were all Phantom Thieves. Although, I suppose something could be said for the fact that I was bewitched by _you_ and not your more suspicious friends."

"You asked for my number literally the second time you talked to me," Akira laughed.

Akechi started planting kisses on Akira's cheek. Akira smiled. Inbetween kisses, Akechi added, "Yes, and that may have something to do with how you are oddly attractive."

"Hah, flatter- Wait, _oddly_!?" Akira asked, pulling away to look at Akechi in bewilderment.

"Yes. You are rather plain, and yet still attractive. It's quite fascinating."

" _Plain_?" Akira was scandalized. He patted down his hair, his clothes. "Where? I'm beautiful. I may not be a pretty boy with a face for TV, but Ann's agent asked me to be a model. Yusuke uses me as model in his paintings all the time. I'm _beautiful_ ," Akira reiterated.

Akechi was silently giggling and covering his mouth with his hand.

Akira pouted.

Akechi reached over and removed Akira's glasses from his face.

"You look much better without these blocking your face. That's why I find you more attractive as Joker."

Akira snorted. This was certainly new, interesting information.

"Never mind the fact that I still wear a mask in the metaverse. So you like the bad boy thing, is that it?"

Akechi rolled his eyes and kissed him again. That went on for a while.

"Why didn't we do this sooner?" Akechi asked.

"Probably because you were too busy trying to kill me and slash or acting totally tsundere instead of acknowledging your feelings for me," Akira retorted before he could think about he was saying.

Akechi tensed up.

Shit.

Way to go Akira, digging up your past relationship issues when it took so long to get this point. And thinking about impending death yet again.

Akechi sighed. "What's in the past is in the past," Akechi said like it was nothing. "It can't be changed."

 _Neither can the future, apparently_ Akira thought but left it unsaid since he was tired of thinking about that.

"But right now is right now," is what Akira said instead and pulled Akechi closer to him by his coat.

He wanted to pull Akechi's coat off as well. He wondered if Akechi would let him.

Evidently he would, because that's exactly what Akira did.

"I don't want to get this wrong, are you trying to..." Akechi trailed off.

Akira raised an eyebrow.

Akechi turned red.

"What?" Akira asked, amused.

"Did you intend to take this upstairs?" is what Akechi managed to get out.

"Uh. Well." Akira hadn't thought about that consciously. He asked Akechi to stay the night, but it would be fine even if Akechi just took the couch, or even if Akechi took the bed and left Akira to sleep on the couch, so long as he would be there when Akira woke up.

Akechi pierced Akira with his gaze, demanding answers.

"I... I'm... a teenage boy?" Akira offered weakly. What happened to being suave?

Akechi laughed.

Akira covered his face with his hands.

He didn't exactly want to be rejected, but he wanted whatever Akechi wanted. Even if that was nothing. Akechi was probably so repressed that he straight up wouldn't be able to do anything, anyway.

Or so Akira thought until Akechi started kissing his neck.

"Well, so am I."

"That's... hard to believe sometimes." He was honestly surprised by how candid Akechi was being right now. Somehow it all seemed counter to Akira's perception of who Akechi was up until this point.

"You're not just doing it because I want it, right? You want it too?" Akira asked.

Akechi was contemplative. "Truth be told, it would have been more comfortable to wait until we had been seeing each other a while, but -"

But he's going to die tomorrow.

"I would honestly rather do it now than never."

Akira nodded. The reality was setting in. Wow. He was really about to do... _something_ with Akechi Goro. They were on the same page, right? Or does Akechi think they were going to play strip chess or something? That's probably exactly the kind of thing that Akechi is into, actually.

"Stop thinking, Akira," Akechi said and began kissing him again.

Akira nodded. Akechi started to take off Akira's jacket.

"I thought we agreed on upstairs," Akira said.

"Not on the counter?" Akechi teased.

" _What!_?" Akira screeched. "No!"

"Or in the booths?"

"God, _no._ "

Akira was classier than that. He takes pride in his responsibility as a part-time café owner when Sojiro leaves the shop in his care. He wouldn't disgrace Leblanc with that kind of debauchery.

"I was kidding, of course," Akechi said with a cute smile.

"Hah. Very funny," Akira said dryly.

So this was happening.

They made it upstairs.

_This was happening._

Akira let Akechi push him down onto the bed. Really, he could do anything he wants.

Akira was halfway sat up with his palms on the bed, looking up at Akechi as Akechi crawled over him.

"This is okay, right?" Akira asked just to be sure. He pushed some of Akechi's longer hairs behind his ear. "We could just, like, y'know, cuddle or something."

"Is that what you want to do?" Akechi asked.

"I'm game for literally anything, honestly."

Akechi stared down at Akira for an intense few seconds while deliberating. Akira felt like an ant under a microscope, but wanted to give Akechi as much space as he needed.

Eventually, Akechi rolled over to simply lay beside Akira. He threaded their hands together as he looked at the attic ceiling.

"We'll take it one step at a time," Akechi made up his mind, turning to look at Akira. "We have all night to do whatever we want, after all."

Not that he wanted to jinx it, but, "All night?" Akira asked. "You intend to stay up with me all night?" He couldn't help but smile, even if they had a big day ahead of them.

Akechi migrated closer to Akira, and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his face into Akira's neck. "Yes. I want to cherish my time with you."

Akira's heart fluttered. "Hah, well - I hope you're good at pretending to sleep, because if Morgana comes home and sees us awake, he'll kill us."

"Morgana doesn't give you privacy when you bring someone up to your room?"

"Uh, I should hope so." Did Morgana get Those Vibes when he left earlier? Is that why he isn't back yet? Does Morgana even understand human sexual relationships?

Akechi laughed. "You... You really don't know?"

"Uhhhhhh," Akira said. "Well. I've... Never had a chance to find out, exactly."

Akechi caressed Akira's face and laughed. "You've really never brought someone up to your room before? How interesting," he mused.

"Actually, I bring people up here all the time. Like, eight to ten people at a time, even." To discuss Phantom Thief business mostly, but hey.

"Huh. I'm impressed. You really get around," Akechi teased.

Akira couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, no."

"I must admit, I'm a bit surprised. You always seemed so..."

"Slutty?" Akira offered.

Akechi narrowed his eyes. "Confident."

Akira knew he could be a bit overdramatic when facetiously flirting with everyone and being a show off, but he really wasn't overly confident inside. He felt like he had to make people like him, or failing that, he had to at least make them believe he wasn't insecure. Acting like he doesn't take anything seriously has been such a useful way of keeping his true emotions distant.

"Well, I guess I was just saving myself for an emotionally repressed celebrity pretty boy to be my arch rival slash gay lover. You know anyone fitting that description?" Akira teased instead of confessing all of that.

"I might."

"Can you introduce me to him?"

"Hmm... What if I just want you all to myself?"

Akira loved how much of a fucking dork Akechi could be sometimes.

"Then show me what you're made of," Akira challenged.

Akechi grabbed Akira's face and started kissing him again.

Akira put his hands in Akechi's hair and kissed him back.

 _'I love you'_ Akira thought, unbidden.

Akira faltered a bit, shaken by the realization of the full force of his feelings. He tried to make up for his momentary weakness by kissing Akechi again like he was fine.

Akechi pulled away. Akira reached out to get him to come back.

"Akira. Are _you_ okay with this?"

"Yeah, I'm - I'm fine," Akira muttered, just wanting to get back to kissing Akechi and not having to think about everything he feels.

"What's wrong?"

Akechi analyzed him with an intense gaze. He wasn't going to let Akira get away with bullshitting.

"I, um. Well, nothing, really. Just. I'm - feelings. I have feelings," he admitted. He was _so_ not good at this. "A lot of them," he added quietly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Akechi asked, so softly.

Akira laughed, somewhat bitterly. When was the last time anyone had cared about his feelings enough to ask something like that?

"We already did, a bit. I don't... I don't want to ruin things. I don't want to bring the mood down again."

Akechi caressed Akira's face.

Isn't Akira supposed to be supporting _him_ right now?

"You said you didn't want to have any regrets. I think if there's something you need to say, you would regret keeping it in."

Akira studied Akechi's face. When was the last time anyone had told him that they loved him? Shido clearly wouldn't have. Akira doubted he would have heard it much, if at all, in the foster system. He didn't have anyone other relatives or friends to rely on, either.

Akira never heard the words 'I love you' from his parents often, even when he tried to convince himself they really did love him and just weren't the type to say it. No one else in his hometown really cared about him, either, though.

The first time that Ryuji offhandedly told him _'love you, bro,'_ Akira nearly doubled over in shock. Was that allowed? Can friends really say that to each other? Then it kept happening. Eventually, he got used to it enough to say it back. And eventually Akira got used to hearing it from Ann and Futaba as well.

But with Akechi, the circumstances would obviously be different. It's something he could just throw around. There's so much meaning in the word and if Akira does it wrong, he risks upsetting Akechi.

But Akechi was rubbing his thumb against Akira's cheek, dispelling Akira's anxieties about Akechi not caring about him or not being open to emotional intimacy.

"I -" Akira tried. He couldn't. Actually getting the words out was more challenging than Akira realized.

"You don't _have_ to say anything you don't want to," Akechi assured him softly.

"But -" Akira tried again. He couldn't.

"I -" He still couldn't.

"It's okay," Akechi whispered, and his patience was unfairly infuriating because Akira didn't know how to deal with it. He needs Akechi to scold him and tell him to get his shit together, instead of being so supportive. It breaks Akira's heart.

"Can _I_ say something?" Akechi asked.

Akira just nodded.

And then Akechi was silent for a while. He didn't actually look like a ball of anxiety like Akira felt. He looked contemplative.

"...Being open with one's feelings is quite difficult after spending so long under a mask."

" _Yeah_ , no shit." Akira cringed at his own flippancy, but Akechi immediately knew that Akira just meant that he could relate.

"But some things are more important than holding onto one's pride and pretending to not be vulnerable."

He put both hands on Akira's face now.

 _'You are the dashing rogue, the debonair, the thief of hearts, impossibly smooth and charming,'_ Akira tried to tell himself to quell his rapidly beating heart and the uncharacteristic pit of nervousness in his stomach.

"I love you," Akechi stated simply before Akira was able to calm himself down and maneuver the situation so he was in control.

Instead, Akira felt like the world was falling out from under him.

He still couldn't say anything so he shakily reached out his arm to hold onto Akechi, eventually crashing his lips against the other boy and clinging to him as desperately as he could as his whole body was shaking.

Akechi held onto him firmly, holding him together.

"God damn it," Akira said finally, resting his head onto Akechi's shoulder. "You - You bastard. That was my - _I_ was going to say it first."

Akechi chuckled. "So you even make love confessions into a competition?"

"You're the same, don't lie."

" _We're_ the same," Akechi corrected.

It was basically the same sentiment, but the slight difference meant so much. And of course, Akechi had to be The Most Correct, even when it came to semantics.

"Yeah. Fine," Akira conceded.

"So. Are you going to catch up to me yet and say it back?"

Why was Akechi so loveably insufferable?

"Okay. Yeah," Akira looked him in the eyes now. He could do this.

"I -"

Could he do this?

Yes, he could, as long as he could get his shit together.

"Iloveyou," he said quickly, before the words had a chance to slip away from him again.

"I love you," he repeated more deliberately now, emboldened by his previous confession.

"Good," Akechi said smugly, and planted a quick peck against Akira's lips.

Akira couldn't help but roll his eyes. But Akira kissed him back, of course. He deepened the kiss, and tried to become completely one with Akechi.

"I love you," Akira said yet again.

There was still so much else that Akira wished he could say. But they simply did not have the time. He just held onto Akechi, telling himself that he's doing his best, and it will have to be enough.

It will never be enough.

But it will be fine.

They'll face Maruki together.

And even if Akira never sees Akechi again after this, he'll always be a part of him.

**Author's Note:**

> 2021 update: One year later and I've decided to revisit this fic! I was very nervous about sharing my writing online, especially since I tend to judge my own writing harshly. I wasn't expecting anything, but I truly grateful for all the positive responses I've received. I am not great at replying to comments (especially since I took so long to check) but if by chance anyone reads this update, I am very thankful to everyone who has commented and/or left a kudos.
> 
> Also, I'd like to end this fic on a positive note so that it's not too depressing. I truly believe that Akechi is still alive in canon. Whether or not Atlus ever confirms or denies this, he's definitely still alive in this fic, although neither of them know that yet.


End file.
